Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
