I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How naked do you want me to be?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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