Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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