Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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