For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
