Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
