I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
