took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
