somebody snuck up and got me drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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