I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
