Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Text me some of your sweat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
