So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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