i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
