Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This toilet bowl is my home.
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