evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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