she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I FOUND THE LEGS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
