I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
