Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
