On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
