I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
