I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
