just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
