i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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