Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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