Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
