Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
