What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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