I wish I could punch you in the face.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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