After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
