I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
