i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize