my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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