my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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