his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
