is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
