remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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