Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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