i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
