woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
