Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
