Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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