I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
