Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
