i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
