So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
