my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
