Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize