There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
