If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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