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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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