Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize