I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
