So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
