They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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