I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize