it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
