Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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