When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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