waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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