I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
