bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
