I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
