Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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