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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
