where does the pee come out of this thing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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