I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
