is your mom at the bar?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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