you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize